I was talking with a friend recently and she asked me a question that frankly floored me. She asked, “When did we become middle-aged women?” I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Holy cow! It’s true! I’m officially middle aged. Since our conversation I can’t seem to stop thinking about the passage of time and the other day when I took the boys to the pumpkin patch it really weighed on me.
As I looked at my boys it was like I could literally see time rushing by on a freight train. There Luke was standing before me holding his brother like such a big boy. And then I could practically see Foster growing before my eyes. I had thought it would be so cute to have Foster wear the shirt that Luke wore at his age (at the same pumpkin patch) but that only made it seem like time was playing tricks on me. Shouldn’t Luke still be a baby?! How is Foster already 5 months?!
Then today a friend of mine posted similar feelings about her son growing up so fast. Perhaps all us mommies are feeling that the passage of time is inevitable. No matter what I do it just feels like I can’t cherish this time enough. Like no matter what I’m going to regret not doing something with them or I’m going to wish I could always come back to this time. I kind of hate that I feel this way because it make me feel like I can’t win. Years down the line I want to look back and say I loved how I lived life and wouldn’t change it for the world. But I know that no one is ever 100% happy with every moment of their lives.
During the last couple of weeks it’s been weighing on me so much that I actually have to stop thinking about it so that I don’t allow myself to dwell. But it kept nagging at me so I decided to finally write it down here in hopes that my sharing it might provide some comfort for me.
If you’ve been following The sTORIbook for a while you know that I used to share much more of my personal life, thoughts, feelings, prayers, hopes and dreams. Gradually, I’ve started writing less and less of those type of posts. If I’m honest, it has to do with as more eyes began to watch this blog of mine I began to feel self-conscious about what I was sharing. What would people think about me? Would they judge me? Too many questions that gradually just made me start pulling the reigns in.
But I also began to feel that I’d lost a bit of the foundation that this blog was built on. While I have a true love of fashion and beauty – that is only a small part of who I am. Additionally, my spirit has been yearning for that outlet. So I thought I’d maybe start working in a few of those “feelings” type of posts again (all of you can let me know what you think).
So for all those mamas out there – have you been feeling the tricks of time lately? I sure have!