The last couple of weeks have truly been the hardest of my life. If you read my post from several weeks ago you know I’m pregnant and have been suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) (click here to read). I wish I could explain the dark place that I found myself recently. Praying in desperation for God to please take it all away. Crying to Russ that I just couldn’t do this anymore. Overwhelmed with anger that I was going through all this – even misplaced anger at my unborn child (which shames me beyond words).
(This photo was taken before I got sick. It makes me laugh so I thought it would be good for this post! Photo by Rememory Photography.)
But this week things have started to change. It’s like when you wake up right before sunrise. It’s dark outside but then the light gradually begins to seep through the blinds lighting the room. I’m starting to feel that light. And each day I’ve woken up with so much gratitude. While I’m no where near 100% and still reliant on daily medications and IVs through my PICC line – I’m not waking up wishing I could just sleep through the entire day to not have to feel the sickness. Could it all come back again? Unfortunately, yes. But I’m sure praying that I’ve paid my dues (I’d really love to get off this PICC line before Christmas). I’ve actually been scared to write this because what if I jinx myself!
But while these last couple of weeks have been filled with so much darkness it has also been filled with love, generosity, friendship and kindness. I have had so many friends bring over meals and my family has continually taken time to do everything to help me. Daddy Russ has been serving as dad, mom, wife and nurse for over two months (all with endless patience and never once complaining). I’ve also been overwhelmed by emails and messages following my blog post from complete strangers or people that I haven’t spoken to in years. Each one touching my heart and helping me get through every day.
I am so beyond grateful to everyone who has kept me in their prayers and for every single meal that have fed my caregivers. I really do hope that HG keeps taking a back seat and gives me a chance to rejoice in this little blessing growing inside me and to also enjoy my days with Luke as a single child.
So what do you think? I think Thanksgiving has come early for me!
This is my sTORI being written as you read. – Love, Tori