The last couple of weeks have truly been the hardest of my life. If you read my post from several weeks ago you know I’m pregnant and have been suffering with Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) (click here to read). I wish I could explain the dark place that I found myself recently. Praying in desperation for God to please take it all away. Crying to Russ that I just couldn’t do this anymore. Overwhelmed with anger that I was going through all this – even misplaced anger at my unborn child (which shames me beyond words).

September Session 2014-33

(This photo was taken before I got sick. It makes me laugh so I thought it would be good for this post! Photo by Rememory Photography.)

But this week things have started to change. It’s like when you wake up right before sunrise. It’s dark outside but then the light gradually begins to seep through the blinds lighting the room. I’m starting to feel that light. And each day I’ve woken up with so much gratitude. While I’m no where near 100% and still reliant on daily medications and IVs through my PICC line – I’m not waking up wishing I could just sleep through the entire day to not have to feel the sickness. Could it all come back again? Unfortunately, yes. But I’m sure praying that I’ve paid my dues (I’d really love to get off this PICC line before Christmas). I’ve actually been scared to write this because what if I jinx myself!

But while these last couple of weeks have been filled with so much darkness it has also been filled with love, generosity, friendship and kindness. I have had so many friends bring over meals and my family has continually taken time to do everything to help me. Daddy Russ has been serving as dad, mom, wife and nurse for over two months (all with endless patience and never once complaining). I’ve also been overwhelmed by emails and messages following my blog post from complete strangers or people that I haven’t spoken to in years. Each one touching my heart and helping me get through every day.

I am so beyond grateful to everyone who has kept me in their prayers and for every single meal that have fed my caregivers. I really do hope that HG keeps taking a back seat and gives me a chance to rejoice in this little blessing growing inside me and to also enjoy my days with Luke as a single child.

So what do you think? I think Thanksgiving has come early for me!

This is my sTORI being written as you read. – Love, Tori

10 Responses

  1. Tarah

    I’m so glad to hear you’re doing better & that you have an amazing support team to help keep you on your feet when all you want to do is collapse. I have never had to deal with morning sickness in any form so I cannot even begin to imagine what you’re dealing with. But I know that you know, this baby will be worth it. I hope you continue to improve and will be able to enjoy your pregnancy soon! Happy (early) Thanksgiving! 🙂

  2. April Mayrath

    This makes me happy to see! Can’t wait to hear more about your progress and lifted spirits! You look beautiful as always, Tori. We’re all praying for you!!

  3. Patti

    Praying that you HAVE paid your dues and there’s nothing but great news in your progress (and that of the baby’s).

  4. Pam@over50feeling40

    So glad to hear you are better, Tori. I pray for you daily and will continue to throughout the pregnancy. I am sure Luke has been happy to have so much of you. You are an inspiring woman and have handled this very graciously. Keep your HOPE alive!

  5. AngieK

    Tori,this is THE BEST news! I’m glad you are feeling even the slightest bit better. I’m also thrilled you have so many people around you helping out. You and Russ and Luke are so dearly loved.

  6. gmaj

    I am so happy to read that! I want each day to be better that the one before. 🙂 Yes, that is a “Thanksgiving” for all of us, in your behalf.
    Love you very much!

  7. Erin

    So happy things are looking better for you. Hang in there girl you can do it.

  8. Ashleigh

    Keep hanging in there lady! God is so very good, and every struggle is an opportunity to share HIS strength. You will persevere and this will be a distant memory and a huge moment of Praise. The Light is powerful and always overcomes!!! I wish I could squeeze you right now – I am so glad you are doing better!


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