Hurting… Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

When you are hurting in any of these forms it’s tough to go about your daily life – being a mother, working, being a wife and friend – trying to keep up with everything when you feel like you can barely take care of yourself. Pushing through the fatigue and pain.

It’s hard for me to admit – I’ve been struggling. And it’s time I said it out loud…I’m hurting.

Unfortunately, I’ve been dealing with some health issues for several months now (luckily NOT heart related for once and for that I am grateful). But frankly, this weekend I hit an all-time low. Daddy Russ was out of town but thankfully my mom swept in and has been a big help for me. Running errands with me, pitching in with Luke, even doing my dishes. But she also has helped heal my emotions – placing a band aid on my sadness.

I strive really hard to not get down when my health isn’t quite what I want it to be. But after months and months of an issue that is even puzzling the doctors and feeling like a constant experiment with medications; I have to say I’ve been feeling pretty sorry for myself.

I realize that not only do I have sickness of the body but I have allowed it to become a sickness of my faith and heart. Fighting against an inward suffering – allowing hopelessness to surround me in isolation. Feeling alone and forgotten.

People write open letters all the time. Today I write an open prayer for myself and for others who are reading this and might be hurting as well. Please join me in prayer.

Dear Lord,

I reach out to you today and receive healing. I acccept your grace that testifies of healing, hope and restoration. I lay my pain and brokenness at your feet. Restore me to your heart. May my brokenness be repaired for the beauty of Your glory. Thank You for healing me and making me whole.

In Jesus name,

Amen.

(This song has really been speaking to me this weekend. I heard it for the first time many months ago on my friend Casey’s blog and it has stayed with me I think just waiting for the perfect time to effect me. It has helped me feel Jesus’ arms wrapped around me as I am HELD. Click here to read her post featuring this song).

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  “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry” (Psalm 40:1, NIV).

This is my sTORI being written as you read. – Love, Mommy Tori

31 Responses

  1. Sara P. (@SensiblySara)

    TORI! I am so glad your mom could swoop in with Russ away! Please don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I am happy to listen to you talk or meet you for lunch. I hope the doctors have started to figure out what’s wrong.

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you, Sara! You are so kind and sweet!! Truly hoping these doctors can figure everything out! Hugs!

      Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you sweet, Colleen! Thank you so much for sending prayers my way!

      Reply
  2. Angie Crozier

    Tori,
    I’m sorry you are having a hard time… I hope you feel better soon. I will be praying for you. Love you bunches!

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you, Angie!! Prayers are so greatly appreciated!! Love you and would love to see you soon!!

      Reply
  3. Brittany

    I’m sorry to hear about your pain, Tori! Praying that your doctors can pinpoint what’s going on so you can find physical and emotional healing. Our God is good and He is with you. XOXO

    Reply
  4. gmaj

    God bless you my sweetie! Your faith and strength are still with you and you know God is. You have always set your goals high and achieved them, as you are doing now. But sometimes our bodies say “hey it is time to slow down”. So listen to that little inner voice, because it is God and your body talking to you. We are all praying that God will direct your excellent doctors to the right solution. It is okay to just lay your head down on your desk and have a good cry. That is an excellent stress reliever and will renew your strength. Do give your body a chance to “renew”.
    I love you so much!

    Reply
  5. Pam@over50feeling40

    Tori, I am adding you to my daily prayer list right now. It breaks my heart to hear you are dealing with this so young. I love this song as well…you will stay in my prayers!

    Reply
  6. Jessica

    Oh Tori, I hope the doctors can pinpoint what is going on soon! Sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way!

    Reply
  7. Taryn

    Tori, I am so sorry you are going through this. I am phone call away (and down the hill) if you need anything 🙂 Stay strong girl…hugs!

    Reply
  8. Angela Kurtz

    You are always in my thoughts! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Reply
  9. Carly Montoya

    Tori, I’m so sorry you’re going through this! Sending you love and hugs and you’ll be included in my nightly prayers. xx

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you, Carly!! I need all the prayers I can get right now!

      Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      You are too sweet, Lisa! Thank you for the offer!

      Reply
  10. Melanie of Que Means What

    Sending you all my love, beauty. I’m also joining in your prayer for healing. Best advice I ever received and I’ll pass on to you: give yourself grace.

    Xoxo, Melanie

    P.s. thanks for sharing with us.

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you so much!! We could all use more grace!

      Reply
  11. Nina

    So sorry to hear about this, Tori. I hope things start looking up for you.

    I’m not sure what your condition is, but reading your post made me feel not so alone. There are times like the past several days where my health is so whacky, in the what-in-the-world-is-going-on kind of way. Colds, stomach flus, etc I can take because I at least know what they are. But when I’m hit with something that confounds even my doctors, that’s when I start feeling sorry for myself.

    It’s hard sometimes to stay positive, or to even enjoy what we should be enjoying, so I know the feeling all too well. It’s hard to make that decision to change our attitude, even if sometimes that’s all we can do.

    Wishing you the best, hun.
    Nina recently posted…4 Ways to Help Your Older Child Handle the Baby’s CriesMy Profile

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Hi Nina! It’s wonderful to hear from you! I’m so sorry to hear that you have been unwell also. It’s tough when we don’t feel our best! Thank you so much for understanding! It makes me feel better that I know people like you who truly care about others!

      Reply
  12. Rocio

    Tori, good for you for sharing. I hope it brought some comfort knowing we’re here for you and offering any and all help and prayers. Stay strong because I’m a firm believer we don’t get more than we can handle and I know you’ll come out like a champ. Take care!
    Rocio recently posted…Run or Dye San Antonio 2014 Giveaway & Coupon CodeMy Profile

    Reply
  13. melanie

    I’ve been MIA in the blogging world for a bit but came across your post on my feed. I just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Reply
    • tori@torijohnsonpr.com

      Thank you so much, Melanie!! Welcome back to the blogging world!

      Reply

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