I’ve been staring at the computer screen for the past 10 minutes stumbling over what to write. I have never in my life felt such a pull of emotions in varying directions and the incapacity to be able to put them in to words. I’m a writer. That’s what I do. I write my feelings. Now I find that I’ve reached a point where I have such an abundance of emotions that I can’t seem to figure out what to say. And the horrible weight that am I going to say it RIGHT? Am I going to be able to do her justice?
My great grandmother passed away today. I stood holding my mother’s hand at the foot of her bed as she took her last breath, her tired heart stopped beating and she was welcomed at Heaven’s Gates. She was surrounded on all sides by people who loved her. I’ve never been with someone as they left our world and I don’t think I can really describe the awe of that exact moment. The world seems to cease turning. The noise around you seems to go silent. Your worries and unimportant troubles seem to obliterate. There is such a clarity of life at that moment that is pure and good.
Now as I sit here and write I feel utter exhaustion. Not only exhaustion but a feeling of being torn. I am so happy that she is at peace but I have such a profound sadness as well that myself and the world has lost something important. I can’t tell you how many people have said, “she was such a special lady.” Or “she meant so much to me.” It’s because that is who my great grandmother was. She was SPECIAL. She was from a world where family was the most important, people didn’t hurt each other in spite and life didn’t revolve around materialistic values. Her wit and intelligence down to the end was always amazing. And her unselfishness and devotion to caring for others was always beyond admirable. To this day I don’t think I ever heard Grandma say anything bad about another person. She affected and infected people’s lives who knew her.
But I know she is in Heaven now. I can’t help but think she just needed the Aggies and the Cowboys to win one last time.
sTORIbook friends – I can not tell you how much your prayers, messages, emails and comments have meant to my family and I. Many of them brought tears to our eyes as you have overwhelmed us with love and kindness.
Lastly, I just want to say, “I love you, Grandma. And I give glory to GOD for YOU!”
This is my sTORI being written as you read. – Love, Mommy Tori