I had a bad dream last night and it’s one of those that are just sticking with me. Have you ever had such a bad dream that you are actually scared to speak about it out loud? Well, this was one of those. Daddy Russ is at the deer lease this weekend so Luke and I are enjoying a mommy and baby weekend.
Unfortunately, he has a cold and bad cough so he hasn’t been sleeping well. Last night was no different and he kept waking up. Finally, I decided to put him in bed with me. I love sleeping with my child. Daddy Russ has to keep me from doing it every night and I really do try not to because I know it can lead to bad habits in the future. But when my child is sick I think he needs some extra mommy cuddles. Anyways, it turned in to one of those nights where neither one of us really got any sleep. He kept coughing and rolling around so I seemed to always be in a light sleep. Finally I had drifted off to sleep and that’s when the dream came. It was horrible. Daddy Russ, my sister, Luke and I were all in a terrible car crash. Daddy Russ and my sister were both OK but I couldn’t find Luke. In the dream I’m running and running screaming for my baby. I finally see a medic leaning over someone and run over and it’s Luke and he’s hurt and I just feel this overwhelming, gut-wrenching heartache. And then…I wake up. When I wake up I seriously think I was in a full out panic attack. My heart was racing, I was sweating, tears running down my cheek and just felt absolutely sick. I immediately look over and that sweet boy is lying right next to me fast asleep. I said a quick prayer and I wrapped my arms around him pulling him closer.
I hate to even write this or think it – but if something ever happened to him what would I do? Who would I be? I think I would seriously lose my mind and go to a dark place. I know this blog post is out of the ordinary for me but my dream is still bothering me so much that I had to just talk about it.
Since I’ve had Luke I find that all of my bad dreams revolve primarily around something happening to him. Is this normal for first-time mothers? I’m just praying for God to give me peace and to take away this awful dream from my mind.
This is sTORI is being written as you read. – Love, Mommy Tori